10 gifts from Apollo

Consider these things...

1. First, what is my relation to men; we are made for one another; or, in another view, I was made to be set over them, as a ram over a flock or a bull over a herd. But examine the question from first principles: If all things are not mere atoms, it is nature which orders all things; if this is so, the inferior things exist for the sake of the superior, and these for the sake of one another.

2. Second, consider how men are at table, in bed, and so forth; and particularly, under what compulsions they are with respect to opinions; and as to their acts, consider with what pride they do what they do.

3. Third, that if men do rightly what they do, we ought not to be displeasedñ but if they do not right, it is plain that they do so involuntarily and in ignorance. For as every soul is unwillingly deprived of the truth, so also is it unwillingly deprived of the power of behaving to each man according to his deserts. Accordinly, men are pained when they are called unjust, ungrateful, and greedy, or charged with behaving wrongfully to their neighbors.

4. Fourth, consider that you also do many things wrong, that you are a man like others; and even if you abstain from certain faults, you still have the disposition to commit them, though either through cowardice, or concern for reputation, or some such mean motive, you refrain from wrongdoing.

5. Fifth, consider that you do not even know whether men are doing wrong or not, for many things are done with a certain reference to circumstances. In short, a man must learn a great deal to enable him to pass a correct judgment on another man´s acts.

6. Sixth, consider when you are vexed or grieved that man´s life is only a moment, and after a short time we all lie stretched in death.

7. Seventh, that it is not men´s acts which disturb us, for those acts have their foundation in men´s ruling principles, but it is our own opinions regarding them. Take away these opinions then, and resolve to dismiss your judgment about an act as if it were something grievous, and your anger is gone. How then shall you take away these opinions? By reflecting that no wrongful act of another brings shame on you; for since that which is shameful is alone bad, you must of necessity do all sorts of evil, become a robber and everything else.

8. Eighth, consider how much more pain is brought on us by the anger and vexation caused by such acts than by the acts themselves, at which we are angry and vexed.

9. Ninth, consider that benevolence is invincible if it be genuine, and not merely an affected smile and playing a part. For what will the most violent man do to you, if you continue to be of a benevolent disposition towards him and, as opportunity offers, gently admonish him and calmly correct his errors at the very time he is trying to do you harm, saying, "Not so, my child. We are constituted by nature for something else: I shall certainly not be injured, but you are injuring yourself, my child." And show him with gentle tact and by general principles that this is so, and that even bees do not as he does, nor any animals which are formed by nature to be gregarious. And do this neither with any double meaning, nor in the way of reproach, but affectionately and without rancor in your soul; and not as if you were lecturing him, or to show off before others, but quietly in his own ear, even if others are present.

Remember these nine rules, as if you had received them as a gift from the Muses, and begin at last to be a man so long as you live. But you must equally avoid flattering men and being vexed by them, for both are unsocial and lead to harm. And let this truth be present to you in the excitement of anger, that to be moved by passion is not manly, but that mildness and gentleness are more manly, just as they are more in conformity with human nature. And he who possesses these qualities possesses strength, nerves, and courage, and not the man who is subject to fits of passion and discontent. for in the same degree in which a man´s mind is nearer to freedom from all passion, in the same degree also is it nearer to strength; and as the sense of pain is a characteristic of weakness, so also is anger. For he who yields to pain and he who yields to anger are both wounded, and both submit.

10. But, if you will, receive also a tenth gift from Apollo, leader of the Muses, and it is this: That to expect bad men not to do wrong is madness, for he who expects this desires an impossibility. But to allow men to behave evilly to each other, and not to expect them to do you any wrong is irrational and tyrannical.

-Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 11.18. 119-122